I am Never Home

(Lyrics by Lightborn ©)

I was born in West Philly on City Line Ave

In a world of have and have nots I was last

I grew up under the bridge

And the shadow of the train

Where zombies walked around strange in a daze of pain

But my gaze was for days

Vision beyond restriction

Rip through affliction and

Eviction after eviction

Stuck where you are with no car

Mommy didn't even had a bed

My face had been smashed and I'd been kicked in the head

And in the face with full force by the time i was four

To settle the score of blood pour I fought for

At war

Within are the scars that cannot heal

Within is the storm that I alone must feel

Within is the vengeance that must be settled by hand

The blazing red hatred for an abusive man

Whose existence I can't stand

I feel the strikes still

The pressure to find him

And to kill him for real

I remember he picked me up

And made me look in the mirror

And punched my face's reflection

In his projection of fear

So everytime

I look into the mirror into my eyes

Echoes of a little boy forced to watch himself cry

Force to watch myself die

By the time I was five

Forced to nightmares and crime

And being buried alive

I went to inner city schools

Hated for being white

Before I learned to read and write

I had to learn how to fight

I had to scratch and bite

For every single breath

Dying before I understood the concept of death

Then sent away to Va

When mommy had to get straight

And get cleaned up from the drugs which

I would come to hate

I returned to the burn of another loser

But I refused to lose her to another abuser

I remember at fifteen curled up in a ball

I remember the fall

I remember it all

I am never

Home

My mom would say she was sick

Or she slipped, dipped in mud

Then come back to our slum

Her face all covered in blood

She had all these accidents

But then I saw the offense

Which finally made the so called accidents

Start to make sense

Dude went after my mom

Over twice my age

But over twice his size could not contain my rage

Attacked, but got hacked

I suffered strangulation

Bashed my head on the wall

I almost died in the basement

Time goes by slow when you think that you're dying

You think you're tired of the grind of every night laying crying

But I smashed his face

Because if my end is near

The last thing that I'll see

Is blood pour out of his ear

Mom ran while bad man Hammerhand attacked

Blows to my arms, my head, and my back

Adrenaline absorbed the pain but what I thought of

Was the distance of kisses

Between our fists and of love

It's fucked up how drugs and beer caused me such strife

And I ain't even ever touched that shit in my life

But The Lord's Light found me in the form of my two brothers

We had different dads but lived with the same mother

The ugliness struggle I thought about to settle

But man's diseased with fear and a blast of sharp metal

In a deli laid David Picarelli to rest

Pray to be blessed and released from the stress of his death

To see my brothers open mouthed crying

Burying their dad

It was sad beyond words

I never felt so bad

I never felt so mad I started to feel numb

And no one knows who even shot the gun

Was it him, was he high?

They they said suicide

But anyone who knows him knows he didn't want to die

Was it another?

And then what does that do to my brothers?

You can't comfort yourself

How can you comfort eachother

Into another

Introverted, the hurt tore away at me

I would slice myself with knives

Just to watch myself bleed

To achieve a balance

With the bleeding of the light inside

The world's sacrifice of a lonely child

As i cried

I am never

Home

Of course your world of girls

Is just like another thrust to my guts

Rust in lust

Left with no one to trust

Dust to dust to reform

Ashes to ashes to Phoenix

My peace was in creedence

And obedience to Lord Jesus

Shattered in pieces

Ceaselessly fight over flight

So that I'm grounded

Surrounded, bound by the drowning of night

A knife to my abdomen

Is my pain's sacrifice

On the bridge a seppukka

Ritualistic suicide

To cut open my stomach

Let all my blood out and die

Show the world my pain inside on the outside

Now show the world the light of

He Who raised me up from the depths

Whose Light gives me New Life and victory over death

I left the bridge with new purpose

Filled with Holy Fire

Devotion

My purpose and worship

Assertion to The Messiah

Who is with me Always

So that I'm never alone

Before His Heavenly Throne

Forever

I am Home